keatsandkittens

At Whole Foods, we don’t have any rotting, decaying matter mixed into our products. There are no secret blood rooms in our stores, where we keep the secret blood.

None of the boxes of cereal contain spiders. And if they did, they would be very friendly, helpful spiders. Boy, wouldn’t you be lucky to find a spider like that in a box of Whole Foods cereal! Or, not just one hundreds of them. But anyway, you won’t.

Whole Foods serves only the freshest food, and we certainly do not keep venomous snakes under the fruit in our produce section! Why would we? That would be dangerous, and not good for business. No on has died of a snake bite at Whole Foods. No one you know.

Whole Foods. Why in the world would we poison our frozen dinners? We definitely do not do that!

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 49 - Old Oak Doors Part A

(via nightvalequotes)

nicoride

sixpenceee:

If a women (or even a man) believes really hard enough that he/she is pregnant, their body will actually begin to exhibit symptoms of pregnancy. 

Clinically termed pseudocyesis, is the belief that you are expecting a baby when you are not really carrying a child. People with pseudocyesis have many, if not all, symptoms of pregnancy — with the exception of an actual fetus.

This unusual condition accounts for one to six out of every 22,000 live births. In rare cases, even men can have a false pregnancy.

Some men experience a related phenomenon known as couvade, or sympathetic pregnancy. They will develop many of the same symptoms as their pregnant partners, including weight gain, nausea and backache.

Your mind is a very powerful thing.

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lost-in-a-assbutt-world

yellowberet:

ghostmoritz:

yellowberet:

our friend noah

almost got mugged today

they were like “give us your money”

and he literally was like “no thanks?” and WALKED AWAY

and it worked

WHAT THE FUCK????

me and my friend were walking down the street and she had her phone in her back pocket and she felt someone take it and she immediately turned around, grabbed his arm, and said “phone.” and he just gave it back

WEAK-ASS MUGGERS GOD PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER