At Whole Foods, we don’t have any rotting, decaying matter mixed into our products. There are no secret blood rooms in our stores, where we keep the secret blood.
None of the boxes of cereal contain spiders. And if they did, they would be very friendly, helpful spiders. Boy, wouldn’t you be lucky to find a spider like that in a box of Whole Foods cereal! Or, not just one hundreds of them. But anyway, you won’t.
Whole Foods serves only the freshest food, and we certainly do not keep venomous snakes under the fruit in our produce section! Why would we? That would be dangerous, and not good for business. No on has died of a snake bite at Whole Foods. No one you know.
Whole Foods. Why in the world would we poison our frozen dinners? We definitely do not do that!
Welcome to Night Vale
Episode 49 - Old Oak Doors Part A
our friend noah
almost got mugged today
they were like “give us your money”
and he literally was like “no thanks?” and WALKED AWAY
and it worked
WHAT THE FUCK????
me and my friend were walking down the street and she had her phone in her back pocket and she felt someone take it and she immediately turned around, grabbed his arm, and said “phone.” and he just gave it back
WEAK-ASS MUGGERS GOD PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER